In my professional coaching work with men in sexual integrity recovery, a picture is often worth a thousand words. Jesus was fond of simple stories called parables, instructing about something unfamiliar (the kingdom of Heaven or the nature of God’s love, for example) by use of a story the hearer already had close familiarity (farming, money, etc.).
Client’s frequently enter the journey of integrity recovery “stuck”. Perhaps it began with a few bad decisions, lies they believed, a besetting ongoing sin problem, persistent distortions from childhood abuse, negative impact of a divorce, loss of a loved one, or lingering consequences from a dysfunctional family of origin.
Or maybe it’s simply the wearing down effect of life in a fallen world left unaddressed over time.
In this environment, a client’s unhealthy behaviors develop in an attempt to actually make things better. For many, this story plays out over years or even decades. But inevitably, stuck happens.
Their experience is far from the abundant life Jesus promised (John 10:10). Their life is like a small oak tree planted inside a clay pot. For a while, the tree received rain and sunshine and grew normally. But at some point, the tree became root-bound within the confines of that restrictive clay pot.
It’s not like the tree died. But its growth became stunted, unable to grow to its full and mature size, unable to become all that God created it to be. In this root-bound condition, a person often reaches out for help… especially if some negative consequence exposed their condition.
While there are times folks in this situation need significant repair of damage, often what’s needed is to simply be set free from the confines of the clay pot. While the devil is in the details (pardon the pun), the steps are relatively straightforward:
Break the clay pot: Helping them identify and stop unhealthy behavior or relocate from toxic environments (a job working alongside an affair partner, for example).
Scoring the roots: The roots now exposed, “scoring” involves slicing the roots at various places, which allows new root shoots to naturally appear. This can be painful, as you might expect. Early on, we work together to pinpoint and resolve binding restrictions from their past or current environment. This could involve addressing internal lies, thought patterns inconsistent with their Christian values, etc.
Relocation to open spaces: The tender tree may now be placed in the ground where it has plenty of expanse to reach it’s full potential. This might include helping them plug into a recovery environment, healthy church or accountable relationships. It may also include the additional assistance of other professionals, such as a physician, marriage counselor or business coach.
Ongoing support into maturity: The newly transplanted tree will go through mild shock and show signs of stress early on. This is to be expected. In time, however, such support facilitates natural growth into their healthiest and maximized potential.
With proper nutrients and a healthy environment, growth happens naturally without force or manipulation. It’s not “healing” so much as it is helping to facilitate a natural process.
My coaching model is more about helping identify core values, discover where clients are “stuck”, and then supporting them through healthy changes to allow natural maturation and growth to resume the way God intended.
Where are you stuck? Who might help you break out of your restrictive environment to resume growing into your full potential?
